- A man who has been filmed in recent years dressing up as a carpenter, cook, welder, tennis player, hairdresser, churchgoer, Rugby League water-boy, bartender, train driver, jet pilot, truck driver, and impersonating countless other skilled workers, has accused his opponent in a federal election campaign of pretending to be someone else. MSM has apparently decided not to notice this odd dichotomy.
- A man with an economics degree has proved unable to recall the precise ABS unemployment figures, which are a complete fiction in any case. This has been deemed front-page news and led most bulletins (ALBO’S DAY ONE BLUNDER) even though it is many decades since the press provided any genuine accounting of just how many million Australians are out of work, or working fewer hours than they’d prefer.
- An obese mining investor with the unfortunate Trumpian habit of declaring parts of his empire bankrupt whenever workers need to be paid their entitlements has launched his multi-million-dollar advertising campaign, designed to influence this election, as it did the previous one. In any just society such a scoundrel would be behind bars; in Australia, he gets to interrupt TV programs for the next few months, all in the effort to keep the world safe for coal miners . Unfit to sit in Parliament, the bloated bludger gets away without criticism because the people who might do the criticising are the ones raking in the advertising shekels.
- A man pressured into standing aside from Cabinet over claims he’d physically assaulted his mistress is still technically a member of Cabinet, the PM has revealed. The woman in question, a former staffer, was paid half a million bucks to dissuade her from further legal action, the cash coming via the Australian taxpayer, who as usual was not consulted. This story was held worthy of a few paragraphs on the inside pages for a day or two, then allowed to disappear.
- An obscure horse-riding member of the Anglo-German aristocracy currently occupying the English throne has graced Sydney’s Royal Easter Show for a few days, an event occupying most front pages in a cloyingly sycophantic display which reveals the true heart of Australia’s young democracy. A few teenagers celebrated her presence last night by staging a brawl in which one man was killed and another seriously injured.
- In France, a nasty racist has won 23% of the popular vote in the first round of presidential elections. The feeling in Australia is that such things aren’t really relevant because we do things differently down under, we’re not racists but, and besides, they all speak European over there anyway. In Washington, a man recently elected President of a super-power responsible for invading more countries than any other nation in history has damned Russia’s leader as a war criminal, and done his best to solve the crisis in Ukraine by sending more weapons. Hang on to your hats, folks. There’s another six weeks of this vacuous misdirection to be tolerated. If it helps us get through it all, we might like to think of the light at the end of the metaphorical tunnel as the illumination produced by ICAC investigators. If Labor does nothing else, it should make sure all the criminal activities of the past nine years are exposed to the full might of the law. Judges wear costumes, but at least they don’t pretend to be someone else. It’s gonna get worse before it gets better.
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