“A SUPPLEMENTAL FATHERS’ DAY PSALTER READING!” a poem, written for and on: Fathers’ Day 2019, Sunday – June 16th!
Well, it’s FATHERS’ DAY, and (sure enough) that story about Abraham & Isaac is back!
Remember how “God” told Abraham to:
“Take THAT BOY to yon altar – and alter-him! Make-him-“an-alte[a]r-boy!” Yeah! Just HACK,
Him! as-a-“sacrifice” – ’cause-He’s-been-“naughty,” [that’s-right] in-The-Sack!
WE’VE-GOT-TO-MAKE-AN-EXAMPLE-OF-HIM! &-just – Wack, wack, wack, wack!”
OK! Now, THE-“TRUE-STORY:” (pause) Isaac – had-been mast – – – – – ing,
So GOD said to His-Dear-Ol’-Dad-Abraham, without hesitating:
“JUST TAKE ISAAC – TO THE STONE[d] ALTAR – and – CHOP-IT-OFF!!
(You-can-stop-the-Fathers’-Day-Psalter-reading here, if-you-think-you’ve-had-e-nough!)
The analysis of our lesson for today:
(Some-stories-can-get-QUITE – – – “PERVERTED,” I-think-I-might-just-say!)
ALL THIS WAS, WAS A-SIMPLE CIRCUM-CISION!
“To cut off his foreskin, Abraham! That’s your sacred miss[h[ion;
You must put-The-Fear-O’-God into-that-boy;
NO-mo’ “SPILLIN’ SEED,” by-goll’ – to-the-likes-of: Helen of Troy,
Or Raquel Welch! or Sophia Loren!”
“Those PORNO R[m]AGS – HAVE TO GO! We’ve-got-to-toss-’em-out, then!”
“Abrahamm, take your boy Isaac – and REACH FOR THE KNIFE,
And – He’s gonna WISH he had him a wife,
‘Cause – when you’re married, there ain’t no J – – – ing Off!
For, then, it is: BLESSED PROCREATION! I-‘sanction’-THAT!” [cough, cough, cough]
“All this bloody ‘pleasuring,’ I CAN NOT UNDERSTAND!
Doesn’t it say (somewhere-in-HERE?) ‘Do GOOD with Thine Hand? ‘ “
“Well,” say-eth Abraham, to The Lord of Hosts,
“Sometimes! Girls-are-un-kind! (pause) to-our-‘posts,’
And they will deny us – simple conjugal affection;
It’s just how things are, Lord! So, it’s sometimes a good election,*
Especially for a hormone-ravaged boy,
Like good, old Isaac (This-is-really-NO-ploy!),
To keep himself from JUST EX-PLODING,
To-do-some ‘self-pleasuring,’ although-there’s-a-foreboding,
Since we all KNOW – that-mastur–tion-is-A-SIN,
That – INSANITY-and-hair-growth-on-your-palms-will-soon-begin!
DEAR LORD: Can you (please) give-him-a-break-this-time?”
“NO!” say-eth The Lord; “He’s GOT-to-understand this-is-REALLY-a-crime!
SO – Get those dag-burn clippers out,
Even though Isaac might scream and shout!
I-know-this-is-FATHERS’-DAY, but-here’s-one-for-the-mothers:
“A clean tallywacker, setting-Jews-above-[The]-Others!”
“OH! OK!” said Abraham! So, NOW YOU KNOW “THE REST OF THE STORY!”
That’s how circumcision got started! TO GOD {Doin’-nice, cleanly-things-for-The-Ladies} BE ALL THE GLORY!
Moral:
Good-bye to foreskin! Hello to clean!
To CLEAN, NEW BEGINNINGS! They can be really keen!
Adios! to-Amigo-skin! HELL-o – to “Smooth-Electro-Glide!”
It’s a groovy condition, in which Jewish-guys can-abide!**
fin <3
- – You thought I was going to say “eRection!!” Caught you, didn’t I?!
** – Postscript:
Of course, these-days, EVERYONE’S-“DOIN’-IT;’ boys-‘r’-clipped-from-THE START!
I-dunno! I-think-it-shows:-GOD-sides-with-women!-and-has-a-savage-heart,
But, what do I know! I am merely “A Cog,***
In-The-Machinery-of-LIFE!” An-up-start [mystical] pollywog!
*** – You thought I was going to say “Co-c-k!!” Caught you, didn’t I?!
